"Handcuffed in the present tense, variations in your violence.
Mindgames and pretty girls, a cracked song in the universe.
I think it's time to show them what I'm made of,
I'm afraid but there's so much to be afraid of.
Kill the fire so we don't get burned.
Kill the fire and you won't get burned." - Garbage, Deadwood---
I've written on this website, or some variation on it, for many years now. I have entries dating back to 2000, which is mainly due to a merging that I did a couple years ago to merge all my entries to this website. Most of the data's survived, less some data that got wiped out during a hacker attack that was targeted at lesbians. All of it is readily available for anyone to read, and there's a reason why.
Life is indeed a school of hard knocks, and all I can do is provide my own perspective into what I've seen and done. I'm not a saint, and I've made more than my fair share of mistakes. I've backed out of my word, I've outright lied, and I've betrayed myself.
What are these mistakes then, but just stepping stones towards making myself better?
What then, if I allow others to read these mistakes and insights in an attempt to grant them the power to avoid pitfalls that I've stumbled into?
This blog, for all of its horrifically stylized writing, documents many years of my life. Sometimes I'm cryptic as all hell, and other times I'm more direct than I logically should be. I've pissed people off with my writings, I even had a girl get pissed among all imagination because I would speak my mind here.
The flip side is that I've had people comment from time to time, applauding my writings. I even had a friend say that they like reading this entries because it reminds them that no matter how far you've come and how much you've learned, there's always something new to focus on and learn.
For all that's been written here, I believe that I've helped more people than I've hurt. I use it as a tool to teach myself. What's here is either the truth or my interpretations thereof through layers of emotion. I don't lock entries. I don't have a friends-only invite. It's all I can offer.
I know of people who through pageantry will puff up their image to epic proportions. They provide a rather elaborate and interesting picture that's easily to succumb to until you've tripped past the barrier, realizing the reality within.
I know of people who through obfuscation will attempt to network on the internet, only to delete their accounts when the transgressions of the past knock at their doorstep. They've violated so many principles and people that they threaten, and then flee, when one of these trespasses emerges from their past. It's an odd feeling to attempt to look up an account only to see it obliterated from the internet. They run from others and they run from their own past, never willing to learn from it. They will be running for the rest of their own life, while repeating the sins of the past and wondering why they keep falling short at happiness.
I don't regret a thing that I've done. I'm chaotic good, this I know - not all that I do stands up well against a codex of laws, but I will make choices depending upon the greater good. I understand the meaning of willing sacrifice.
What can I do but write a tome of information that I've stumbled across, so that I may learn and become a greater individual and allow the same insight for others? It's far from the best resource, in this I'm humble, but it's what I can do.
I choose to be open and learn, rather than sheltered and blind.
All knowledge is worth having.